Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Poopie Post

Just in case the title was too subtle, the post is about my children's defecations. You have been warned. Continue reading at your own risk.

I have been blogging for 4 months now, and I have shown great restraint in talking about one particular area...

The poopies.

Admittedly, I'm pretty sure poopie things have been mentioned in passing.

(Ok, that was totally an under-exaggeration, borderline bold faced lie. I know I've mentioned them on multiple occasions, but I haven't used 'poopies' in the title of the post yet (I don't think...), that's almost the same thing.)

But I simply cannot control the urge to dive into the filth for a full bodied analysis of the excreting end any longer.

Because the other day Adrianna pooped out a big clump of cat hair.

And it wasn't just sitting nicely covered in fecal matter in her diaper. No no, it was still half stuck up her cute little butt hole.

So being the brave mommy I am (or at least the "well that probably shouldn't stay in there" practical sided mommy), I set about pulling it the rest of the way out.

Except that this delightful clump of hair she'd somehow eaten (despite still having a strong tendency to gag horribly on a cheerio) had some long trailers mixed in.

Long trailers that were still stuck up somewhere in the depths of the intestinal track, and broke off when I attempted to pull it the rest of they way out.

Oops.......

Ah well, wait another day and it'll all come out anyways, right?

Well, sorta.

Apparently the long hairs mixed in the cat hair grouping were REALLY long hairs. And it took several more pooping incidents over a few days before she was free of hairy trailers hanging out.

But that's not even the most remarkable part of Adrianna's poopings for the last week!

Remember that eating mud post? Well, all things that go in must come out. And make for gritty diaper changes.

Add to that 10 days of antibiotics for ear infections, and it was a complete grab bag as to what you would get every time a whiff came around. For the uninitiated, antibiotics, depending on type, potency, and child's personal digestive track can turn the poopies all sorts of colors (including purple and BRIGHT shades of green and orange), and make them really, really smelly.

Or it was Adrianna's new found love of cheese and all foods Kristina is eating that was making the tiniest little smidgen of fecal matter reek stronger than the diaper pail on trash day. Either way, it was deceptive pooping accumulation.

And Kristina isn't about to get off scotch free from the poopie embarrassment blogging either.

(She IS the child that projectile pooped onto me on multiple occasions during her baby days, after all.)

She had a corresponding ear infection and course of antibiotics too, but her really troubling part was the mandarin oranges. She loves them, gobbles down what the can says is 3.5 servings in one sitting and then asks for more an hour later.

So I gave her a bowl (and by bowl I mean 3.5 serving can) of them Thursday afternoon, not realizing she'd be having them for lunch at preschool the next day (where I'm assuming she ate another 8 servings worth), and then failed to mention to Peter that night to not give her any more under any circumstance even if she did asked nicely and said please (and got another whole 3.5 serving can of them out of it).

Oh. My. God.

Now, some of you careful followers might be wondering what any of this has to do with inconveniencing me, since she is potty trained and really quite good at using the facilities.

(During the day, at least....)

And she did attempt to put all heavily mandarin oranged poopies into the toilet. It was just that the wiping of a much smoshier than normal substance was giving her a little trouble.

And by little trouble I mean she somehow managed to smear orange-ified poopies all over her butt, backside, hands, toilet seat, step stool, and bathroom door knob while attempting to wipe, and then to alert me that she needed help wiping.

(This would be one of those prime examples of why I really want my own, private, unused-by-children bathroom.)

Also, it's the second most common phrase you will hear shouted loudly across our house when company is visiting: "Mommy I need help wiping!"

(Right after "Mommy I have to go POOOOOOPPPIIIEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS")

And the oranged poopies bathroom incident? It happened several more times before her system ran out of oranges and returned to more normal formations.

Because my life is just really, really awesome like that.

So dear children, let me just reiterate my bargain to you again: I will not share horribly embarrassing stories about what you crap out if I'm not the one cleaning it up. Deal?

Also, as I did not actually photograph the events discussed above, you owe me.

2 comments:

  1. I checked the "funny" box but "funny" does NOT cover it. Oh my Lord...

    ReplyDelete