I am substantially better at rekindling old friendships than making new ones.
(And I still kinda suck at that....)
I recently got friended on facebook by a girl I went to school with in the 2nd grade.
We went to different schools the following year, but still got together with some regularity for playdates for the next few years.
And I would go over to her house for a Halloween sleepover at the very least for a few more years after we stopped seeing each other very much.
Then we ended up at the same annual holiday recital for put on by the go-to wind/brass instrument teacher in the area.
(I'm judging his popularity merely by the fact that just about everyone I knew in middle/high school who took private lessons took them from him.)
And then we attended the same high school, although we barely ever saw each other and never even had a class together.
However, we did have a few overlapping friends thanks to her playing the sax in Jazz Band and me
(For the record, dearest saxophone players, your instrument isn't that great. In fact, it often sounds like the misbegotten red headed stepchild from a closed mouth affair between a clarinet and a trumpet which is in desperate need of being taken out back and shot to be put out of it's misery. And you all have egos of ridiculously inflated size, which is a rather unbecoming trait for a section.)
(And if you call my clarinet an ugly stick again, I will beat you with it.)
*goes back to re-read first half of blog post to remember where this all was supposed to be going in the first place*
Right, old friendships.
So, since she friended me we exchanged a dozen several paragraph messages catching up on the excitement of life (turns out I'm not the only one who manages to get an ex-husband by the age of 25), and she keeps telling me that I should give her a call sometime.
And I totally should!
And yet, I haven't......
Because I really suck at that and I don't know why. I have numerous past-lifetime friends who would be more than happy to chat away with me were I to give them a call. And yet, somehow, it's remarkably hard for me to do.
I long ago gave up trying to talk on the phone with children around.
And then, when evening comes and there might be a few hours of peace, I'm tired. I want to flake out in front of the tv, or send in more job applications, or shower, or write blog posts, or do really stupid time killing things on the internet just because I want a brief distraction from my life.
Or even just have a few minutes to be alone in my head without the constant clambering for my attention.
So I don't pick up the phone as much as a should. And when I do, I tend to call people who I know are safe, those who I know will ramble about all sorts of things that have nothing at all to do with my personal affairs and expect nothing more out of me than an opinion of a new song or the occasional chuckle at a lame joke.
Someone I haven't spoken to in years isn't safe. They might ask me questions I don't know how to answer. They might have opinions about things I don't want to hear. They might expect me to be have brain function on a really random adult topic like current political events.
Or they might not answer their phone at all.
But that doesn't mean I don't think about them. Or that I don't say "I should really give so-and-so a call one of these days" on a nearly daily basis for months without ever managing to do anything about it.
Caledonia, by Celtic Woman
Let me tell you that I love you, that I think about you all the time....
But if I should become a stranger, know that it would make me more than sad.