Thursday, June 9, 2011

Value of Nothing

It has been some busy days since I got back from our trip.

I've been trying to catch up on everything, like blogging and my usual job searching strategies, while also feeling the overwhelming need to kick the job search into overdrive.

I need to get something. Now. My birthday was my original deadline I set when I moved out here the beginning of January, and it arrives on Monday.

Finances are also less than kind at the moment, and it has been by far the biggest storm in the otherwise fairly stable (if separate) relationship Peter and I have. 

I'm also preparing for taking a little vacation all of my own (that's right, time WITHOUT my children. And I'm not spending it packing up a house either) very soon as well, which requires all sorts of additional planning and packing and blogging to have posts covering the trip.

(This part is especially important since I may have some serious reservations about internet accessibility for most of it.)

Swim lessons are starting and birthday party invitations arriving. Kristina's preschool wants me to join the board of directors and is gearing up for their big annual fundraising event with ever increasing needs for volunteers and ticket sales.

(By the way, anyone feeling gracious and in the mood to support a community based non-profit small business which my child and I dearly love? Feel free to contact me about sponsoring a turtle or twelve for the event!)

And I have been so very, very tired.

Adrianna has an ear infection which has not been helping her already questionable nightly sleep, and Kristina has been waking up in fits more often than normal as well, which has all been compiling on top of the week I spent being very naughty and staying up quite late most nights talking to people because I was simply reveling their companionship during the usually lonely hours. 

That was my state of life and of mind.

And I decided to blow off job searching and blogging and cleaning and packing and life.

I took a delightful warm bath with an engaging book instead.

While I was getting ready, I looked in the mirror and saw the tiredness in my eyes, the defeated feeling seeping out of my very soul and it made me even sadder to see that I actually looked as beaten down as I felt. 

When I got out of the bath an hour later, I looked beautiful again. I was still tired and the undereye bags were still there, but the beauty and spirit was sparkling through once again.

That was a truly wonderful thing to see, and that hour spent purposefully not doing a damn thing on the long and never ending lists I'm constantly writing out for myself was worth so much more to me than anything else I could have accomplished. To me and my inner sense of self.

I needed it.

And am much, much better for having taken it.


  1. I am commenting simply because I believe you deserve kudos for taking time for yourself... recognizing the need and then *celebrating* it. Good for you! I know it is hard to do, and I don't do it often enough, but I do think it will make you a better person and mom. Go you!!