Friday, July 22, 2011

Can I Get Workmans Comp for That?

I'm just rounding out my third week of working at Target, and I have made some milestones along the way.

Most remarkable, I am completely done with my "training" period, and am scheduled to test over it today!

(Yes, I have to take a test over whether I have managed to learn my job. No, I don't know what happens if I don't score passingly. Yes, it is at least theoretically possible I could cease to have a job after today. No, I'm not going to fail and subsequently add a second record of holding employment for exactly 3 weeks to my resume. Yes, I'm glaring at you and forming a deep-seeded life long grudge as we speak. No, I will not forgive you for those implications. Ok, maybe I'll let this one slide if you bring me that new triple chocoholic blizzard Dairy Queen keeps cruelly advertising on tv in the evenings when I can't even go get one because I have to be all "responsible parent" and not leave my sleeping children all alone for the hour and a half it would take me to drive to DQ and back. But only because I'm cheap and easily sell out for chocolate ice cream.)

My other work excitement for the last week included my first paycheck (which I already spent on babysitters), my first on-the-job injury, and my first time calling in.

Now the call in was totally not my fault, although it dose have quite the back story leading up to it. 

You see, I had originally been scheduled for a three hour shift in the middle of the week, but with my built in free babysitters folks being out of town and the fact that I'd spend half as much time again just driving there and back, I stuck it up on the job swap board.

It was picked up the same day and promptly approved, so I didn't give it another thought until someone asked if I could pick up an 8 hour shift for them that same day. And it was a really good thing I agreed to it, because otherwise it wouldn't have been run through Human Resources and they wouldn't have scolded us for trying to double schedule me.

Wait, what?? I thought I gave up that shift....

Well, turns out the person who had taken it had gone through and whited out their name and the HR approval at some point in the last three days. Which totally caused me to doubt the integrity of the job switch board AND to keep muttering "those bastards" repeatedly.

Then I got to go home to a power outage which totally aided getting a babysitter lined up on 12 hours notice for the stupid 3 hour shift. But I did it, and then even left for work 10 minutes early because I am a total kiss ass prone to working way harder than I get paid to do awesome.

But then it was only to discover Boulder Canyon had been closed mere moments before I made it through and half a mile from where it hits the city and becomes a normal road. All the emergency responders would say was that it was closed due to an accident and would remain so for quite a while. And then they were directing everyone to drive back up to Nederland and take an alternative route down. Which, had I done so, would have put me at Target at least half way through the cursed shift if not more so.

So I got to call in! I'm hoping my Team Leader (that's the nice Target lingo for lowest level of direct supervisor) actually knows what Boulder Canyon is, and can properly appreciate how it being closed IS a major hindrance to me getting into town with no prior notice, because whomever it was the operator patched me over to on the phone sure didn't seem to properly grasp the situation and my complete inability to "just drive around it" in a reasonable fashion.

The traumatic work-related injury involves a large blister having formed on the bottom/side of my second to smallest left toe. I'm still rather puzzled by how, exactly, it came to be there as it seems strange to get a blister there and only there to me. But I'm waiting to see if it turns all green and pussy before I go whining to HR about needing to make an accident report for it.

(I'm kinda hoping this amazing show of stoically not being whiny can somehow counter-balance the calling in incident in my permanent employee records.)

During orientation they did specifically say to report ALL injuries, and used clumsiness with a box cutter as a specific example. It was a rather ironic example to me as I use a box cutter pretty much constantly during my elite in-stock job, and would just like to credit my trainer, Alika, with giving me the dullest piece of crap box cutter in existence which is undoubtedly the sole reason for how I have managed to NOT inadvertently injury myself with it thus far. It has also honed my ripping into boxes like a kid who just drank their first Red Bull opening presents on Christmas morning skills. I think those will be an excellent addition to my resume. You know, after they give me a non-dull-as-shit box cutter (I'm assuming it will presented in a nice ceremony today (preferably with cake) alongside my certificate for passing my training examination) and I promptly sever my thumb and get forced into early in-stocks retirement and need to apply for jobs elsewhere so as not to appear as though suing Target for an on-the-job box cutter injury is my master plan for success in life while I am suing Target for my on-the-job box cutter injury.

Yep, always good to have a plan for where you're going with a company. After all, upper management just isn't for everyone.

By the way, upper management, my orientation person totally said you monitor stuff being posted online about Target (in reference as to why we shouldn't bitch about it on facebook). I'm informally testing that theory by regularly blogging about working there. Should you actually come across all this awesome employee Team Member personal reflection, I would love a pay raise and maybe a not-injured-by-box-cutter bonus every so often. Thanks.

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