Monday, August 1, 2011

Working at Target is just like Being Mommy

There are some striking similarities between being a Mommy and working at Target.

For example, you are expected to know where everything is at the drop of the hat.

Mommy: "Where is my ridiculously tiny dollhouse size baby bottle? Purple pacifier? That super special rock I told you to put in your pocket last week?"

Team Member: "Where are international to US plug converters? Zip ties? That sticky paper stuff my grandmother puts in drawers and kitchen cabinets?"

You are expected to magically fix everything.

Mommy: "My bug bite itches, make it stop!"

Team Member: "My camera's broken, fix it!"

You are expected to know everything about everything.

Mommy: "What sound do kangaroos make? Why do babies toot? How come girls can't grow beards?"

Team Member: "What is the country of origin on this fan? How waterproof is this car cover? What is the difference between these two facial moisturizers?"

You are expected to react to everything with patience and understanding and to somehow always make them happy.

Mommy: "Sissy chewed on my favoritest toy ever and now it's all slobbery and icky!"

Team Member: "I want your box. I don't care if it's against company policy, let me talk to your manager!"

Yep, employment really isn't all that different from parenthood, as you spend much of your time taking care of needy selfish creatures with a smile even when all you really want to do is start banging your head against the wall, so I came into this business far more prepared for it than I thought I would be.