Wednesday, November 23, 2011

How to Pack for Visiting Family

  1. Briefly think about needing to pack three weeks before trip.
  2. Dismiss thought as being preemptive.
    1. After all, you have PLENTY of time still...
  3. Wake up in the middle of the night two days before you leave, realizing that you need haven't thought about (much less done) packing yet. 
  4. Resolve to pack first thing in the morning.
    1. Like a boss!
  5. Start right in on laundry shortly after getting up for the day.
  6. Feel rather accomplished for being so on top of getting clothes clean.
  7. Take laundry basket of clean clothes to children's room. 
  8. Attempt to pack for children. 
  9. Interested children climbing all over you, the laundry, and the suitcase.
  10. Put movie on for children.
  11. Start sorting through clean laundry. 
  12. Make piles. 
  13. Go stop children from fighting over imaginary food. 
  14. Concede to demands for real food.
    1. Because you, apparently, never ever feed them.
  15. Get children a snack from kitchen.
  16. Serve it to them on their chairs in front of the tv with a flourish.
  17. Return to bedroom and packing.
  18. Realize you forgot what your piles were. 
  19. Start over. 
  20. Make more piles. 
  21. Go find out what children are squawking about now.
  22. Get children drinks from kitchen. 
  23. Return to packing. 
  24. Realize your piles are getting rather out of control and taking over the bedroom. 
  25. Resolve to do something about this. 
  26. Attempt to set out outfits for children by day. 
  27. Have matching issues. 
  28. Contemplate personal level of craziness as indicated by need to make matching children. 
  29. Dismiss as irrelevant, as you are awesome just the way you are.  
    1. Compose good threats to use on anyone who disagrees. You know, detailing how exactly you shall creative produce their untimely demise. And then blog about it. 
  30. Feel very accomplished having decided the outfits for the week. 
  31. Carefully stack outfits in the reverse order of which they will be worn (so the first day is on top) by child into suitcase. 
  32. Admire personal organization and planning.
  33. Go check on children.
  34. Ignore details like them having dumped out every single toy, block, and book from shelves and buckets.
  35. Agree to child's demand to bring pack a puzzle. 
  36. Tell her to sit it on top of the suitcase.
  37. Answer her questions of "are these my clothes" with "DON'T TOUCH MY PILES!!!"
  38. Make note to self to apologize later for yelling at her unnecessarily.
  39. Go to make sure your piles of children's clothing are still intact.
  40. Attempt to pack your clothes.
  41. Decide it's much easier to pack when you have practically no clothes that fit anyways.
  42. Wonder, not for the first time, whether you're the only person on the planet who is annoyed by loosing weight. 
  43. Feel exceptionally accomplished having gotten your clothes selected and packed as well. 
  44. Decide no more packing is needed for the time being.
  45. Spend the rest of the afternoon playing.
  46. Realize as you eat dinner that you still need to finish packing for leaving in T-12 hours.
    1. And counting.
  47. Briefly ponder how much you *need* to watch TLC family horror, polygamy flavor. 
    1. aka, Sister Wives
  48. Decide to be a responsible adult, and forgo your usual cheap crazy-family-reality-tv-comparison-to-make-my-life-look-sane-and-marginally-good fix. 
  49. Get briefly distracted by the internets.
    1. Facebook!
  50. Stare blankly at suitcase for 5 minutes, completely unable to figure out what you're supposed to be doing. 
  51. Oh right, PACKING.
  52. Take stock of what you accomplished during your productive and functional time of the day. 
  53. Determine that you still need shoes, toys, diapers, and toiletries. 
  54. Feel immensely accomplished for achieving that level of brain function.
  55. Decide that the most efficient way to pack toiletries is to take a shower first, use everything you need to use that night, and then finish packing. 
  56. Get briefly distracted by the internets.
    1. Webcomics!
  57. Enjoy your shower. 
  58. Get marginally distracted immediately post-shower with random personal grooming habits, like plucking your eyebrows and unsuccessfully attempting to find nail polish to paint your toenails. 
  59. Realize it's getting late, and you still have packing to do. 
  60. Get briefly distracted by the internets. 
    1. Kitties!
  61. Toss toiletries into ziplock bag, contemplating (not for the first time) that one of these days you really need to invest in a real toiletry bag. 
    1. Although a ziplock baggies IS classier looking than the Target plastic bag you've been known to use on occasion as well. 
  62. Attempt to determine how many diapers you need.
  63. Decide that counting is just too difficult, and that "a lot" will be plenty. 
  64. Get briefly distracted by the internets. 
    1. Blog stats!
  65. Go to pack children's toys. 
  66. Stare blankly at overwhelming pile of toys. 
  67. Finally get enough functioning neurons together to thing of something good to pack. 
  68. Spend 10 minutes tracking down loose pieces. 
  69. Get distracted by your parents' "helpful suggestion" that while you're digging through the bucket of toys in their living room, that you should also move them to the designated children's play area.
  70. Make the overwhelming pile of toys bigger while acquisitioning their request.
  71. Decide that this did NOT help you pack. 
  72. Determine that your personal level of caring about toy selection is quite low, and simply grab a large handful of the nearest easily package things. 
  73. Get briefly distracted by the internets.
    1. Rage comics!
  74. Debate which shoes to pack, ultimately taking the minimalist approach 
    1. aka, choosing the singular smallest pair of alternate shoes to bring for each family member. 
  75. Feel extraordinarily accomplished by having completed packing before midnight.
  76. Make list of things to pack in the morning, knowing that however low your brain function is now, it will be WORSE then.
  77. Feel incredulous accomplished for it only has three things on it, one of which you can totally take care of right now.
  78. Say a prayer for successful journey and minimal forgotten-ness.
  79. Realize you might want to check to make sure your suitcase is under 50lbs.
  80. Lift several times. 
  81. Realize it's going to be really damn close. 
  82. Lift again, carefully thinking about all the things you stock in Target that come in nice increments, like 25lb containers of cat litter. 
    1. Does it feel like less than two of those??? 
  83. Decide that it IS under the 50lb wait limit. 
    1. Barely..... 
  84. Go to bed. 
  85. Realize you forgot to pack the diaper bag.
  86. Get back up.
  87. Search up backup outfits, assorted toys, and misc. stuff we might need (like tissues) and toss into first bag you can find. 
  88. Grab purse to transfer your important things (like wallet) into diaper bag for trip.
  89. Realize that your overflowing purse consists entirely of trash, one diaper, and an overstuffed wallet. 
  90. Resolve to do something about that.
    1. Right after your trip.
  91. Sit all your "done" bags by the door for the morning. 
  92. Take one last look into the immense just-under-50-lbs suitcase, once again pondering whether you put everything necessary in.
  93. Decide that at this point it's good enough. 
  94. Double check your morning packing list, still in disbelief over how there are only two things on it. 
  95. Go to bed. 
  96. Sleep. 
  97. Wake up before your alarm goes off. 
  98. Feel unbelievably accomplished for being up and ready to go first thing.
  99. Pack to remaining items into suitcase and load up car.
  100. Depart on trip.

1 comment:

  1. I love these type of posts. They make me feel normal.

    Also, I've lost 20 lbs since we moved to AZ. I can now take my jeans off without unbuttoning them. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to buy new clothes. Therefore, I also dislike weight loss.

    ReplyDelete