Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Dear Boobs

Pictures are forever. Little babies aren't.
Dear Breasts, Boobs, Bossom, et al,

You have proven to be a truly amazing part of my anatomy. I was very impressed by your eagerness to produce milk in large quantities. In fact, I'm quite convinced I could have very successfully nursed triplets had life been that cruel as to bestow me with them.


The nursing time is done.


Now don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not chopping you off or swearing on my death bed that I'll never use you for your intended purpose of sustaining children (vs. the conventional one of attracting male attention) ever again. But for the time being, there are no more babies to be breastfeed.

Yes yes, some people certainly do allow their children to continue nursing until they're 7 or 8, and that is totally up to them and the life style they choose to have. I am not one of those people. And Adrianna has been weaned for a year now!

A whole year!!

So why are you still leaking?

Colostrum squirting really isn't that exciting anymore, and I could definitely do without that achy feeling you still get every time I hear a small baby crying while working at Target.

Sure, it is kinda cool to know that if a newborn showed up my door step tomorrow I  could totally just whip you out and we'd be good to go. But the odds of that happening are really quite slim, and I wouldn't exactly be morally horrified to just go buy a container of formula powder and a few bottles if I ever was in a situation that required it.

And even though if Kristina was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and somebody told me breastmilk would help I would most certainly would be pulling out the old pump and returning to my lactating production factory state without a second thought, I could still be ok with the milk supply not being *right there* for the rest of my life.


It was fun. You were amazing. Now stop it.




  1. oh, marty, this was funny! altho i am sorry about the needless (at the moment) lactating. good luck w/ the boobs heeding your requests!

  2. I don't know, you could *milk it* by pumping so you can eat all you want. Oh, oh,oh, you could sell it to a milk bank and make tons of money!!