Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Why Every Parent Needs a Flashligh: A Valentine Story

Every family with small children needs a reasonable supply of flashlights on hand.

Not only do they provide nearly limitless entertainment for the youngfolk, they also keep them quietly amused in small dark spaces like cupboards and bathrooms and let you spend 30 minutes pretending you don't have children. Or folding laundry, whichever you're more inclined to do.

Additionally those same youngfolk are much less likely to set your house on fire during a power outage if handed a flashlight instead of a candle, and you had better believe if they normally insist on sleeping with a nightlight on that they'll doubly insist on sleeping with a flashlight on.

So keep lots of batteries on hand too.

However, none of that has anything to do with this story beyond a few additional reasons for why I like flashlights to be in abundance. The most often reason for me using a flashlight is doing stuff in their bedroom after they've gone to sleep, like sitting out clothes for them for the morning which I do most evenings.

Or like last night, when I needed to grab our copy of "Where the Wild Things Are" from the bookcase in there.

Because I was posting a fairly inappropriate (but ridiculously funny if you a) get fap jokes and b) aren't offended by them) link on facebook and wanted to make sure I was quoting about rumpusing correctly, and was quickly getting frustrated by the internets arguing over whether the last word in the sentence was "start" or "begin".

(Turns out the original publication of "Where the Wild Things Are" used 'start', as is in the slightly vintage copy of the book from my own childhood which I'm still reading to the girls, while supposedly later reprints changed it to 'begin', but then the movie (which I haven't seen) is said to have used the original dialogue which confused and annoyed those who didn't have the older publications.)

((I'm sure you wanted to know all that. You're welcome.))

After all, there's no better way to make a fairly inappropriate funny even more inappropriate and glaringly obvious that you are only familiar with and thus capable of referencing cultural icons marketed to the under 7 crowd than by tying it directly to children's literature.

So, in honor of the holiday that will always suck regardless of relationship status, I give you my enlightenedly brilliant literary spoof of the far more complicated than I would have realized Maurice Sendak quote:

Let the sexy rumpus start!

[Disclaimer: I TOLD you it was mildly offensive, don't click the links if you don't want to know!]

See: The Oatmel: The worst thing about Valentine's day

Also, on a completely unrelated to this story besides the fact that it references the author (well, and we're getting a great look at my personally preferred level of humor in the world), did you see the interview Stephen Colbert did with Maurice Sendak a few weeks ago?? I don't know the last time I laughed so hard over children's books. Go check out part 1 and part 2 if you're so inclined.

And, just in case anyone had any doubts about what this day was, I hope you have a happy Valentine's day, or at least have the opportunity eat enough chocolate to make up for everything else.

1 comment:

  1. a) teehee b) I totally saw the movie, was like, "huh, 'start' sounds wrong," and then went and checked the book -- also I think a "vintage" copy, because there it was, 'start,' but I thought I remembered 'begin.' Thanks for clearing that up for me. ;)