Thursday, March 15, 2012

Another Letter to Target Shoppers

Dear Target Shoppers,

We are so glad you still enjoy coming to our store!


Please, can we review a few more things before I, as a Target employee, start muttering obscenities alluding to you having a less than average level of intelligence?

First up, Target Online is NOT the same as Target the Store. I'm sorry this makes you annoyed, but it's just not. There are things in the store which you cannot order online and there are things online which you cannot buy from the store. And that is simply how it is.

Please (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) don't get mad at me when YOU screw this detail up.

I have a screen shot here of a random product (ok ok, I was totally browsing kids bedding options because I may or may not have found another house I want to buy and may or may not have felt the need to decorate said future potential house with adorable pink and purple rooms for my children. But those are irrelevant details to this particular blog post!) from the Target website. Presumably your view of would look exactly the same as this.

Now it is kind of hard to see from that picture (presumably your browser would be up bigger than a picture of my browser put into a blog), so let me just zoom in on the important part for you.

Do you see it yet? It's that little text just to the right of the "add to cart" red button.... here, let me just make it REALLY clear for you.

I know it's small, and you have to know to check if it's there, but still, it's RIGHT there people! This means that you cannot come into the Target store tomorrow and get all irate at lowly little employees like me over the fact that we don't have this particular exceptionally awesome product you saw online.

(Well, you can, but you totally shouldn't.)

Because Target Online is DIFFERENT from Target the Store!! 

Similarly, coming into the store to complain to me that you had wanted to order some of these awesome towels you saw last month only to find out that they were an in-stores only item which has since sold out is not fair to me.

I'm sorry your life doesn't always work as perfectly as you would like, but really, I have NO control what-so-ever about ANY of the things you are presently upset over.

And frankly, I don't give a damn.

Yes, I care that your shopping experience with the company hasn't been as fulfilling as you had expected. But as far as those towels go? Just go over to those 4 aisles of towels right over there and pick out some other ones and stop being cranky at me for your life being so small and stupid that the towels are actually that important to you.

And then go spend a weekend at a soup kitchen and try to gain a little perspective about your spoiled little towel-loving life.

Oh, and I know I mentioned it before, but it stands to be reiterated:  Please use a trash can for your Starbucks cups. Obviously you are competent enough to have income sufficient to buy overpriced coffee and the mental capacity to place an order, you should be capable of disposing of your cup in a trash can when you're done.

Also, the Starbucks employees would prefer if you did not make them wash off your reusable lids. You know, in case you were feeling exceptionally considerate of others in the service industry and a smidgen self-reliant one day.



  1. This is a very meaningful post for me, because Target is FINALLY coming to Canada. My kids are excited. They think Target sells ONLY sharpshooting gear. Won't they be disappointed...

  2. I know that I've worked too long in a service industry when:
    I immediately sympathize with the employees in ANY customer/staff dispute. ANY.

    I think, instead of something like Switzerland's mandated military inscription, the US should have a mandated service industry inscription. All 16-20 year olds should be forced to work in a service industry until they can prove that they are not inconsiderate morons.