Monday, March 12, 2012

The Finale of Divorce

In true Marty fashion, I have avoided talking about much of the divorce right on through the part where I actually got it.

So, here is the recap for everyone.

The non-contested hearing was several weeks ago.

The Magistrate (aka Judge) was a very nice woman who almost managed to take away the intimidation factor of me being by myself in that court room with her through her kind nature.

Peter called in for the hearing as he is in Texas for the Army and Colorado courts are fairly lenient with court appearances for out-of-state parties.

The entire hearing consisted of the Magistrate reading through our two main documents, the separation agreement and the parenting plan, confirming as a recorded sworn statement that we both understood what was being said and agreed to it, and then signing a fairly unimpressive two page piece of paper as our divorce decree.

A half hour was scheduled on the court docket for it, in actuality it took just a few minutes longer than that.

And I only almost cried right at the end when she was reading the official decree of dissolution of marriage.

There was no celebration. There was no cake. There were no cheers from supporting family and friends.

There wasn't even an open bar to promptly go get wasted at. 

But see, maybe that's a part where I was wrong, and that divorce should also have a few aspects more like a marriage. Because simply being handed a plane piece of paper while sitting alone on a hard wooden bench to recognize an equally life changing stage being reached is more than a little lame.

I changed my name back to it's maiden form, so now my bank account and credit card are correct while my blog and email are wrong (why yes, I had been married for years and never gotten around to changing everything over). Interestingly enough, I had originally thought to keep Heller, as I didn't have a particularly strong attachment to Whalen in the first place and rather liked matching my children (and like, my blog web address......), but then Peter was a dumbass and managed to piss me off a bunch, and that made me a little less fond of having anything what-so-ever to do with him.

But moving right along....

I have already gotten my name changed with the social security office and made one attempt at getting a new drivers license which was then abandoned that day due to my unwillingness to wait AT LEAST 2 hours (as quoted by the divers license people) for it right then. I have also submitted the name change paperwork to Target, but need to follow up with it as it still hasn't gone through in the system and I can't believe that it would take longer to process in a cooperation than it did for the government.

However, in comically bad Marty life style, Peter hasn't gone out of the picture as much as one (ok, that one is probably just me) might have hoped.

Ironically, AFTER getting the divorce and giving full and complete custody of his children to me, Peter decided he wanted to be a more involved father (you know, compared to the 10 previous months where he didn't want see them and spoke to Kristina on the phone at best once every month or two) and started calling several times a week AND made plans to come see the girls next month.

And then immediately told Kristina about his future visiting, which isn't the approach I would have used because first off his plan was for over a month out and Kristina can barely handle waiting for tomorrow for things, and second, things can come up and should he not be able to make it out after all or have to push it farther back I didn't want to have to deal with more Daddy disappointment in that child.

(Trust me, we've had a lot of it already, and it really sucks.)

But as he was on the phone with her, he got to tell her whatever he wanted to about it without me running intervention.

(Talk about motivation to keep up regular phone calls!) 

So there you have it. I am officially divorced after 4 and half years of being a military wife, a year and a half after deciding the marriage was done with, 14 months after moving in with my parents, and 8 months after filing the official paperwork with the state of Colorado.

(I had to live in the state for 6 months prior to filing to have the girls be counted as residents, in case anyone was particularly interested as to why there was that gap there.)

And at least for today I'm feeling one misguided marriage in my clueless 20s (please don't tell me if I'll still be as clueless in my 30s, the hope of not being so is the only thing making me look forward to the aging process) really just might be enough for me this life time.

Void where prohibited by law.


  1. Marty, you will never be clueless again. In fact, having read many of your blog posts, I don't think you were ever clueless. I don't have any advice or words of solace to give you, since I would not presume to know what you're dealing with, but I hope you are at peace and I wish you all the best.

  2. Congratulations (?) if that's the right sentiment. the dissolution of a marriage is a terribly hard decision, especially when there are kids involved. from what you've shared, you - and the girls - are handling things quite well. i hope that your ex will be the father the girls need, whatever form that takes (active/inactive, etc...)!

  3. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad for you. Bittersweet, maybe?

    I hope he follows through on his plans to be a more involved parent. I hope the girls aren't crushed if he doesn't. I hope you are able to handle the fall out.

  4. I'm guessing that attention to detail was not one of his strong suits...As a Marine, I have to point this out...If it makes you feel any better, his medals are in the wrong order, they aren't aligned and his collar devices (the gold things near his throat) are on the wrong sides. You can make fun of him. Cheers, Marty. :) --Sean Harvey

  5. Well, I know congrats is the right word for finally getting all that paperwork done. But I'm sorry you didn't have anyone there to support you in the courtroom and take you drinking afterward.

    I do still have a few places I haven't changed my name, mostly frequent flyer/buyer plans.

    As long as you learn from your mistakes, you will not be as clueless in your thirties.