Thursday, July 5, 2012

A Few Thoughts on Bacon

Working at Target has expanded my bacon experiences substantially.

There was the pizza day, where a whole bunch of one-topping pizza's showed up from Dominoes, and one of them was bacon, and I learned that bacon is the best pizza topping of all time. 

And there was this time I attempted to make bacon sandwiches for some of my coworkers, and failed because I (apparently) was mistaken on how to make a bacon sandwich.

You see, I had been under the (wrong) impression that a bacon sandwich could be much like a regular sandwich, with things like turkey and cheese and lettuce on it, but then transformed from a normal sandwich to a (far superior) bacon sandwich with a few pieces of bacon thrown on top.

Although this makes a very edible sandwich, it is not (or so I've been informed) a true BACON sandwich, as a bacon sandwich must have copious amounts of (go figure) bacon upon it.

Also, vegetables are to be scorned on said bacon sandwich, and preferably avoided entirely.

I have to admit, I almost feel as though I've found my element through this idea of the bacon sandwich.

I eat lettuce when it's the socially correct thing to do, but I've never thought much of the stuff, and am all for this new idea of scrapping the stupid lettuce leaf entirely.

(Marty = not a big fan of salads)

And I've been playing with the idea of making a bacon bouquet for a while now. Those who were at my wedding remember how much I enjoyed making floral centerpieces out of chocolate, and this looks nearly as good. You know, for that special bacon-loving someone.... who I totally don't have........... on those crappy holidays like Valentine's Day...................

*pity face*

But then I stumbled across the most amazing idea ever: BACON TURTLES.

Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave....
then the next step, add hot-dogs as the heads and legs with slits for toes and tail.
Next step. Place on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil and baked for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees.
A little crispy, not too crunchy...just how a turtle should be, no?

Fuck making pasta salad for potlucks, I am all over crafting adorable small animals out of bacon.

And like, they're turtles! That means they're "kid friendly" and I'd be "super awesome mommy" for serving them at, say, Kristina's birthday party! And then I could sit there and eat bacon wrapped burgers while making small talk with all the old people other parents! Total win!

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