Saturday, December 15, 2012

Why It's Good My Children Can't Read My Mind

"Is that Rylie's car?"
"No Honey, that's only a generic asshole who just cut me off in the roundabout."

"Mommy what are you eating?"
"Chocolate. The good stuff. And it's ALL MINE!" 

"Who's that?"
"Random drunk person in Mommy's facebook feed which you shouldn't be looking at."

"But I don't want to have a sister."
 "Tough shit kid, you don't get to argue with biology." 

"Santa Clause is scary."
 "Does that mean 'Santa' doesn't have to buy you presents this year?" 

"Can we have a treat?"
"Can I have a martini?" 

"I want to make cookies!"
"I want to lay on the couch and take a nap, guess who's not getting their wants today!"

"My sister isn't listening to me!"
 "Welcome to my world, child, welcome to my world." 

"How come we don't have a dog?"
"Because Mommy decided two small needy demanding creatures to clean up the poop of was enough." 

"Where do babies come from?"
  "Stupidity and sex."

1 comment:

  1. Agreed. If kids could read minds, they'd ask a lot fewer questions.