Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Failure of my Diet

I have a terrible diet.

It has gotten so bad, my coworkers have started to marvel how on earth I stay the small-ish size that I am.

But see, it's not so simple.

I have continued to drop pant sizes the entire time I've worked at Target.

At this point, I end up looking in the mirror and thinking I'm too skinny half the time.

(There's just something about being able to see my ribs that creeps me out a little....)

But as I have unintentionally gotten into pant sizes I have never worn before in my life, I've also been giving myself free rain to eat whatever the hell I want in some faint hope of gaining enough calories to offset whatever ridiculous amount I must be burning at work every day.

(Or I have a tapeworm, but that idea gives me the willies big time so I am soooo going with the excessive calorie burning explanation for the time being.)

Which is how I have ended up eating meals like this every day for lunch.

And apparently, people start to notice such meals when repeated often enough.

As a result of getting lots of shit for liking my stupid hotpockets and cupcakes this daily dietary critiquing, I started to eat different food to get them to shut up and leave me alone thought it might be good for me to try and eat a little bit healthier.

But it doesn't work.

See, I pay three times as much for a chicken Caesar salad, poke at it a little, and eat maybe close to half before declaring myself most definitely done with lunch.

Because I just don't LIKE salad very much.

Occasionally a salad is nice (I legitimately want to eat one once every month or two), and it generally falls under the category of "stuff I will eat when it's socially expected for me to do so".

But that doesn't mean I actually like it. 

So I end up eating less food than ever, which also does not help the part where I think I'm not eating enough calories to support my physical activity level due to ever-decreasing ass size.


  1. I've actually been fantasizing about a tapeworm all week ... feel free to mail me yours.