Saturday, March 16, 2013

Kid Shaming

It was bathtime.

The girls had been playing nicely together in the bubble-filled tub, and kept begging me for just a few more minutes when I tried to take them out.

Alright, I conceded for the second time, but just 2 more minutes before bed.

As I was grabbing towels to pull them out with, Kristina started to holler at me that there was poop in the bathtub.

I quickly went to investigate, and saw a very small little pebble being fished out by my extremely-turd-vigilant daughter.

It didn't look like anything more than someone hadn't wiped well before getting into the tub, so the brief moment of panic subsided as I started to help her out of the tub.

That was a mistake.

As a mother going on 6 years I should know that when feces are involved the panic is nearly always warrented and that it will undoubtedly get worse before it gets better.

Every so often I forget such lessons, and therefore was genuinely surprised by the massive pile of shit Adrianna had deposited in the tub which I hadn't seen until I was getting her out on account of the bubbles.

But this story gets even more horrifyingly awesome.

See, she had deposited a load roughly half the size of her body mass directly on top of the drain plug.

This detail of course means I could not drain the water from the bathtub without first removing a fair portion of the poopies. Except that, for those of you unfamiliar with the finer details of feces consistency, it's not that easy to fish out of sitting water on account of the water soluble nature of its structural makeup.

Good times, good times my friends.

Eventually, enough crap was removed so I could at least drain the tub. And then realized the tub was having some "clogging" issues.

......... I can't imagine why........

Yep, it wa an awesome night.

However, during all of this I came to a brilliant and inspired idea.

You know the website dog shaming? People post pictures of their dogs with little signs confessing the horrible things they have done like eating dirty underwear and stealing the Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven.

I want to creating a kid version of it.

It can totally start with my child being captioned with "I like to poopie  in bubble baths".

Other prime examples include:

"I like to eat my own boogers"

"I take my baby brother's teething toys and chew on them until they break"

"I hide mom's cell phone and car keys on purpose"

"I only say bad words when grandma is around"

"I like to comment on strangers' weights really loudly in public"

"I bite the boob that feeds me"

"I like to flush matchbox cars down the toilet"

"I tried to eat the hamster"

"I broke the lamp and said the dog did it"


  1. So sorry. But, like I tell Quinn "poop is almost always funny"!

  2. If Kid Shaming were real I would submit a photo of my son when he was three with this caption:

    When I see women of African descent I point at them and yell "IT'S OPRAH! OPRAH IS HERE!!!!"